Sunday, 27 November 2011


Greasing the wheels of industry since 1970 something or other

These detachable hands come with their very own Vaseline pump - 50 applications guaranteed (or 25 if you are a complete suck up)

Gripping the nearest greasy pole with grim determination you will bullshit ad infinitum at the best Public Relations events within the City of London* with hot air and endless self-promotion. Before you know it, you are able to babble about the buzz, creating a buzz but by this time you might want to throw in something about strategy before you humanely combust at the nonsense you have been peddling, that lost a sense of meaning years ago.  Desperation will become evident in your flint-eyed stare and insincere smile.

Your schmoozing will become tireless, overbearing and not unlike a small puppy dog begging for treats. There will be no self-awareness as you are over familiar with people who you've only known for 5 minutes whilst patting their backs** as they look for the nearest exit to escape. 

WARNING: As the day gets longer your goodwill stretched beyond its limits the handshake will become decidedly limp.  Overcompensate with a gift of a garish fruit basket with your new business card in sans serif font.

 *if you are not based in the City, then these hands are not for you.  You're kidding yourself if you think you might work in PR..You are wasting your time and frankly OUR time with a ridiculous notion that you work in Public Relations's probably market research or marketing, and it isn't the same..No really it isn't the same

** be careful not to leave greasy hand prints. 

Sunday, 7 August 2011

Ruth Lea's Man Shaped Suits.

Click to see all the finery and browse at your leisure.  

The Ironic Eyebrow

Get in on the joke and own your his or hers 'Ironic Eyebrow'. Available now as a cut out and keep. Have hours of fun whilst you watch a bonanza of crude stereotypes paraded on the sitcoms of the 1970s and 1980s**

Misogyny Sexism Xenophobia Racism Homophobia

can be fully appreciated in an "ironic - we're not laughing at them, we're laughing at the situation ha ha' with your ironic eyebrow of choice.

Benefits include: knowing nods and wry laughs as Mr. Humphries minces his famous catchphrase 'I'm Free' in 'Are you being served.'

Tongues in cheeks and student snorts, as Rudolph Walker rolls the whites of his eyes and acts like a savage native, as he frightens the old, honky racist living next door in 'Love thy neighbour'

Chin strokes and postmodern merriment, as a young 1970s dollybird revels in the 'phwoars and 'cors' and groping advances from a man near pensionable age, who still lives at home with his mother in 'On the buses'

Wow!! I bought the lad's mag 'Balls'. I never would have purchased it, but I put on the ironic eyebrow and after looking at the children's tv presenter, pouting in a semi naked position I felt the knowing wink in my eye, and could appreciate her empowerment, independence and great tits.

Mr. Jones-Smith

** product doesn't just apply to the 1970s and 1980s sitcoms. It is also suitable for pantomines, trendy students who wear Motorhead t-shirts, reality tv and British Variety shows featuring: The Krankies, Cannon and Ball nauseum.

Rick Sky's Hair Satellite