Sunday, 27 November 2011


Greasing the wheels of industry since 1970 something or other

These detachable hands come with their very own Vaseline pump - 50 applications guaranteed (or 25 if you are a complete suck up)

Gripping the nearest greasy pole with grim determination you will bullshit ad infinitum at the best Public Relations events within the City of London* with hot air and endless self-promotion. Before you know it, you are able to babble about the buzz, creating a buzz but by this time you might want to throw in something about strategy before you humanely combust at the nonsense you have been peddling, that lost a sense of meaning years ago.  Desperation will become evident in your flint-eyed stare and insincere smile.

Your schmoozing will become tireless, overbearing and not unlike a small puppy dog begging for treats. There will be no self-awareness as you are over familiar with people who you've only known for 5 minutes whilst patting their backs** as they look for the nearest exit to escape. 

WARNING: As the day gets longer your goodwill stretched beyond its limits the handshake will become decidedly limp.  Overcompensate with a gift of a garish fruit basket with your new business card in sans serif font.

 *if you are not based in the City, then these hands are not for you.  You're kidding yourself if you think you might work in PR..You are wasting your time and frankly OUR time with a ridiculous notion that you work in Public Relations's probably market research or marketing, and it isn't the same..No really it isn't the same

** be careful not to leave greasy hand prints. 

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